Travel Anxiety

I just had the most incredible weekend with my best friends. It was full of every stereotypical thing you can think of doing with your best friends; we made pizza, ate chocolate, laughed, talked about social issues, slept in the same bed, went out together, and shopped. So... All good. I'll post more in detail about my amazing weekend later, but I thought the journal I kept today was pretty amusing (as I read it now, rather than in the moment). I want to share it with you. 

Preface: my name is Ali and I have major travel anxiety. 

4:07 pm

I grab for my $2.25 in quarters feeling heavy in my pocket. My fingers braid their way through each one, and my clammy hands have now made clammy change. The bus arrives, and I make my way to the front. I let a few people pass in front of me so I don't hold them back while I try to drop each quarter in the machine. It's taking me a moment to see where I put it. 

    Where does this go?

    You are taking too long. 

    Be cool. 

    Hurry up, oh my god, hurry up. 

"Where am I putting the quarters here?" I say in a completely faked smooth sort of tone. The bus driver points right in front of my eyes, and gives me a small smile. This tells me he sees through my fake tone, and directly at my nerves. We meet eyes, and he knows I appreciate him joining in on my performance. My hands shake excessively as I drop quarter by quarter into the small slit. Eventually the deed is done, and I take a seat. The first seat I see. The seat is the most important part. I turn on my phone and plug in my headphones. I chose to play Dearly Departed by Shaky Graves. This should help ease my nerves. 

4:15pm

The girls told me where to get off the bus, but I am sure I'm about to mess this up. After a few minutes, I am at ease. I start to chuckle to myself, because I am completely ridiculous. 

4:42 pm

Now I'm on the light rail, and as I type this I find myself looking up and having a moment of WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET OFF THERE?! And well, that's crazy. Because I know what an airport looks like, and it most definitely doesn't say Rainier Beach or have a repair shop outside. 

I have my father to thank for my travel anxiety, and I think he would agree that it can be a little silly. But at the moment that shit is realer than real. 

5:22pm

Let's not even talk about the fact that I still have to print my boarding pass when I arrive, and my thoughts are that I'm having a bad feeling the machine won't be working. Because that's what my paranoid brain does...  

5:31pm

So yep, the first machine I tried ACTUALLY didn't work. It said it was printing and was out of paper. Second machine went smoothly. So maybe I'm only 75% paranoid and 15% psychic. 

5:51 pm

Just got told by a security guard that this blue is 'really beautiful' on me, and that I have a nice smile. He must have known I've been high strung for the last hour. Thanks for the boost, nice security man. Stopping for a pink lemonade to reward myself for acting as human as possible today. 

5:53 pm

Just got to my gate. Plugged my phone in. This thing is charged and ready for an hour flight. 

6:20 pm

Until next time Seattle. I love you!