What I Didn't Know About Helping To Raising Children

First of all, anything.

I pretty much didn't know anything.

    In case some of you haven't noticed (which would be nearly impossible, because I am so obsessed with them), my sweetest Lukas has two sons, Liam (6) and Theo (3). They are the apple of every eye that spots them, and they wholeheartedly, absolutely, undoubtedly hijacked my heart. 

When Luke and I first started dating, there was a lot to consider, because I had never dated anyone with kids before. I knew a few things for sure; that it was a huge responsibility, that it would probably be pretty hard, and that it was more complicated than I most likely understood. I was right about all of things, and also so very clueless.

I started on a better note than most people in my position have been able to for a couple reasons:

1.  I met both boys before we were dating. 

This proved to be so helpful because I wasn't a stranger to them when I was coming around much more frequently. They were way more open to spending time with me regularly because they already had. The transition seemed relatively easy for all three of us.

2.  Their mom was so nice and so supportive of me.

Seriously, there are no words for this part because that has truly meant everything to me. She not only knows these boys better than anyone, providing me with so much knowledge, but she has always kept me involved, and unconditionally supported me and my relationship with them. For real, so lucky.

The part I wasn't prepared for was, well, everything else.

I didn't realize how much I would love them. That sounds so silly, but it seriously has been one of the most shocking parts. I never knew the feeling of willingness to throw yourself in front of a bus for someone, until them. I would do it at their highest level of sass. The biggest tantrum. The most angry I have ever been with them. So weird.

I didn't realize how insanely frustrating parenting can be. I didn't imagine myself ever snapping over Legos, waffles, or coats. I didn't imagine a six year old frustrating me so much that I have to leave the room to cry, and have my boyfriend give me a pep talk about not trying to reason with a six year old who is like "a little drunk person who doesn't want to go home. You put them in the car and drive, regardless of the sobs and nasty insults they throw at you." 

I didn't realize how amazing it is when they accomplish the things they want to. Like catching a ball that their football playing dad threw to them. Or coloring inside the lines. Or spelling their name. Or not crying when their hair is getting washed. 

I didn't realize how incredible it is to be relied on by a child. To pick them up after they hurt themselves and feel them clinging to you. To coo them back to sleep when they wake up sobbing. To rub their back when they're throwing up. (I also didn't realize I could power through and even deal with the puke, but turns out I can.)

I didn't realize how much more you could love your partner by watching them be such a great parent. I have never loved Luke more than when he was holding back tears having to take Theo to the hospital when his arm got hurt. Or when all three boys are laughing hysterically at trying to beat each other at singing all the way through the ABC's. Or the Sunday morning dance parties that he always initiates. Or watching his face and his glossy eyes the time Liam said he was proud of him. Or watching how much comfort his presence brings to both of them. 

It's a wonderful, and impossible to put into words thing. 

Liam and Theo, you have so enriched my life. I am so honored to be your "Owlie" ♥

Shitty People

Hi there! Been a minute.

Welcome to my diary... but I am sharing it today because it's important and it has changed the current state of my life.

I'm jumping right in, so stick around if you choose.

Also, It's not that I have a "potty mouth" per say, It's just...

Life is always going to be full of shitty people. Always. But I just recently had this epiphany... I don't have to live a life full of shitty people.

This gets tricky when said "shitty people" are people that you didn't always think were that. It's complicated, horrible, and devastating to have to classify them as that once they become toxic in your life. But what is worse, losing people that were once important, or letting these people poison the well of you life? 

I have a hard time relating with the "once important" side of this coin, because I have been so lucky with the people in my life. I am not one who has had to filter out too many friends, and I haven't often been a friend that filters out. So when this does happen, it is world shattering for me. But, it's also humbling, and makes me even closer with the consistently beautiful friends I have. 

The reality of my life the last eight or so months has been that I have been so disappointed by people who have always in some way disappointed me, and then I am shocked when it happens a final and horrible time. That's on me, that's my fault... Being a shitty person is on you, that's your fault.

And let me specify, these words aren't to hurt anyone or make a point. It's to finally, and publicly, push that fact that we don't have to feel obligated to be abused by anyone just because at one point we really loved them. Love doesn't look like that. Love, of any kind, should be thoughtful, honest, and sensitive. The moment it isn't, is the moment you should really consider what role this relationship has in your life, and follow up. Don't allow it to be a negative role anymore. Don't allow someone to treat you like a human Jenga game; pulling block after block from you, until you inevitably come crashing down.

Surround yourself with the people that will build those blocks up and play again.
That's all I got.