I have been slingin' coffee in Spokane for the better half of the last 5 years... not only does that include an obscene amount of milk for someone who is lactose intolerant, but it also includes a large amount of conversations, laughter, and conflict.
This post is being written to try and help eliminate that "conflict" section.
I'm sure you aren't aware that what you are saying is offensive.
Or crazy.
Or frustrating.
Or just... super weird.
But if you avoid these 10 things, you might have better luck with your barista.
1. "You look tired!"
What do you want us to do with that? It's the socially acceptable way of saying "you have most definitely looked better." Well, you look pretty rude but you don't see me saying that...
2. "Do you know how to make a _____?"
Okay, so... if I make coffee, that generally means that I know how to make coffee. So, yes. Yes, I do know what a mocha is. Do you know how to drive that car you are currently driving?
3. "I'll have an iced cappuccino."
No you won't. That's not real.
4. "Oh, she knows my drink."
Alright... alright.... "she" only knows your drink because at one point in time you told her what the damn thing is! Use your words.
5. "...I would text you, but I don't have your number."
If we don't instantly give you our numbers after you make this comment, we don't want to give it to you. And you can say it again if you really want to... but we heard you... it's not happening.
6. "Are you new?"
Nope, you are actually. I work here, and I have seen you... never.
7. "How many shots of expresso are in that?"
.....no shots of "expresso" are in any of our drinks, because that isn't a WORD.
8. "I know you're almost done, but did I say soy?"
Nope................... you didn't.
9. "Are you even old enough to work here?"
Again, you clearly know the answer since I work here, so where is this going?
10. "Surprise me."
The only time this is perfectly acceptable is if you truly have no reserves about a single thing. That almost never happens, however. This usually turns into 'but I don't like coconut, vanilla, irish cream, chocolate, white chocolate, coffee, red bull, juice, oranges, apples, board games..."
Alright... alright.... "she" only knows your drink because at one point in time you told her what the damn thing is! Use your words.
5. "...I would text you, but I don't have your number."
If we don't instantly give you our numbers after you make this comment, we don't want to give it to you. And you can say it again if you really want to... but we heard you... it's not happening.
6. "Are you new?"
Nope, you are actually. I work here, and I have seen you... never.
7. "How many shots of expresso are in that?"
.....no shots of "expresso" are in any of our drinks, because that isn't a WORD.
8. "I know you're almost done, but did I say soy?"
Nope................... you didn't.
9. "Are you even old enough to work here?"
Again, you clearly know the answer since I work here, so where is this going?
10. "Surprise me."
The only time this is perfectly acceptable is if you truly have no reserves about a single thing. That almost never happens, however. This usually turns into 'but I don't like coconut, vanilla, irish cream, chocolate, white chocolate, coffee, red bull, juice, oranges, apples, board games..."
Listen, we love you guys.
We can make this work.
But, this is a two-way street...
