What I Didn't Know About Helping To Raising Children

First of all, anything.

I pretty much didn't know anything.

    In case some of you haven't noticed (which would be nearly impossible, because I am so obsessed with them), my sweetest Lukas has two sons, Liam (6) and Theo (3). They are the apple of every eye that spots them, and they wholeheartedly, absolutely, undoubtedly hijacked my heart. 

When Luke and I first started dating, there was a lot to consider, because I had never dated anyone with kids before. I knew a few things for sure; that it was a huge responsibility, that it would probably be pretty hard, and that it was more complicated than I most likely understood. I was right about all of things, and also so very clueless.

I started on a better note than most people in my position have been able to for a couple reasons:

1.  I met both boys before we were dating. 

This proved to be so helpful because I wasn't a stranger to them when I was coming around much more frequently. They were way more open to spending time with me regularly because they already had. The transition seemed relatively easy for all three of us.

2.  Their mom was so nice and so supportive of me.

Seriously, there are no words for this part because that has truly meant everything to me. She not only knows these boys better than anyone, providing me with so much knowledge, but she has always kept me involved, and unconditionally supported me and my relationship with them. For real, so lucky.

The part I wasn't prepared for was, well, everything else.

I didn't realize how much I would love them. That sounds so silly, but it seriously has been one of the most shocking parts. I never knew the feeling of willingness to throw yourself in front of a bus for someone, until them. I would do it at their highest level of sass. The biggest tantrum. The most angry I have ever been with them. So weird.

I didn't realize how insanely frustrating parenting can be. I didn't imagine myself ever snapping over Legos, waffles, or coats. I didn't imagine a six year old frustrating me so much that I have to leave the room to cry, and have my boyfriend give me a pep talk about not trying to reason with a six year old who is like "a little drunk person who doesn't want to go home. You put them in the car and drive, regardless of the sobs and nasty insults they throw at you." 

I didn't realize how amazing it is when they accomplish the things they want to. Like catching a ball that their football playing dad threw to them. Or coloring inside the lines. Or spelling their name. Or not crying when their hair is getting washed. 

I didn't realize how incredible it is to be relied on by a child. To pick them up after they hurt themselves and feel them clinging to you. To coo them back to sleep when they wake up sobbing. To rub their back when they're throwing up. (I also didn't realize I could power through and even deal with the puke, but turns out I can.)

I didn't realize how much more you could love your partner by watching them be such a great parent. I have never loved Luke more than when he was holding back tears having to take Theo to the hospital when his arm got hurt. Or when all three boys are laughing hysterically at trying to beat each other at singing all the way through the ABC's. Or the Sunday morning dance parties that he always initiates. Or watching his face and his glossy eyes the time Liam said he was proud of him. Or watching how much comfort his presence brings to both of them. 

It's a wonderful, and impossible to put into words thing. 

Liam and Theo, you have so enriched my life. I am so honored to be your "Owlie" ♥

Shitty People

Hi there! Been a minute.

Welcome to my diary... but I am sharing it today because it's important and it has changed the current state of my life.

I'm jumping right in, so stick around if you choose.

Also, It's not that I have a "potty mouth" per say, It's just...

Life is always going to be full of shitty people. Always. But I just recently had this epiphany... I don't have to live a life full of shitty people.

This gets tricky when said "shitty people" are people that you didn't always think were that. It's complicated, horrible, and devastating to have to classify them as that once they become toxic in your life. But what is worse, losing people that were once important, or letting these people poison the well of you life? 

I have a hard time relating with the "once important" side of this coin, because I have been so lucky with the people in my life. I am not one who has had to filter out too many friends, and I haven't often been a friend that filters out. So when this does happen, it is world shattering for me. But, it's also humbling, and makes me even closer with the consistently beautiful friends I have. 

The reality of my life the last eight or so months has been that I have been so disappointed by people who have always in some way disappointed me, and then I am shocked when it happens a final and horrible time. That's on me, that's my fault... Being a shitty person is on you, that's your fault.

And let me specify, these words aren't to hurt anyone or make a point. It's to finally, and publicly, push that fact that we don't have to feel obligated to be abused by anyone just because at one point we really loved them. Love doesn't look like that. Love, of any kind, should be thoughtful, honest, and sensitive. The moment it isn't, is the moment you should really consider what role this relationship has in your life, and follow up. Don't allow it to be a negative role anymore. Don't allow someone to treat you like a human Jenga game; pulling block after block from you, until you inevitably come crashing down.

Surround yourself with the people that will build those blocks up and play again.
That's all I got.

Today

 There are so many words sprinting as fast as they can through my brain today. Sprinting for their lives with panic and riddled with "no way, no way, no way...". None of these words have been able to form a full sentence that demonstrates just how I feel, in an accurate and articulate manner. So I am going to break this up by category. One by one.

I have never had to defend the love I didn't chose to have for someone. 

I've never known the struggle of a constant criticism for loving a person because of the chromosomes they have. I have never known the looks of disgust while I kiss the person I love. I've never known the grueling feeling of being watched and judged while the one I love has their hand clasped in mine. But so many of you know that feeling. So many of my very favorite human beings know this feeling. It is undeserved. It is unwarranted. It is inhumane. 

I wish I could be celebrating with you today that you will have a leader who will protect your rights, your names, and your love... but we didn't wake up to that today. We woke up to something frightening. You woke up to the questions (and fear that comes with those questions) about what this means for you. 

However, I am honoring the things I believe and stand strongly by when I say that I will not allow the people around us to do this to you. I will not stand by when you are being wronged. I will not be quiet. You will not be alone.

I am a nasty woman.

It's a scary day to be one. I am afraid of what our new President expects of me. What he wants for me. What he will do to me, or the woman he's already done inexcusable things to. But a "nasty woman" I will continue to be, loudly. I will scream for you, for her, for us. I will be as nasty as my God given body lets me be. The nasty woman my nasty mother so bravely raised me to be. The nasty woman my best friends need me to be. The nasty woman my sister is. The nasty woman all these nasty women deserve to have by their side.

We are strong, brave, capable women. 

And nasty we will be.

I am politically correct.

And it blows my nasty-ass mind that anyone can use that against me, in a way you think is insulting. HA! Thank you, to everyone who doesn't see how your words crush people, for giving me the compliment of your disapproval. I will happily be rejected by you, criticized by you, and rise above you forever. My hope is that you hear me, and you hear yourself. We can't be a nation of people wearing shirts that say "Hillary sucks, but not like Monica." Or yelling "Build that wall". We cannot be. Your words are shots that fire and crumble a strong nation. Aim your words in a progressive way, in a helpful way. Do not be the bullies who push people in the ground. Dig people out.

I am not a man.

And if I were, I would have the power.

Use this power well.

Speak for all the women you love, who love other women. 

For all the men you love, who love other men.

For every nasty woman you love who continues to be silenced. 

For every person who is put down by the childish words that spill out of the mouths of those who know better.

Speak.

Please speak.

I am sad today, with all of you.

 I am with all of you.

This Is Important

Let's be real. 

For my peers and I this is the most important election we have ever had a voice in. 

This might be the most important election anyone has had a voice in. 

Lets talk about that "voice".

You have one.

Most of you have a loud one.

Our generation is very known for our loud, opinionated voices.

So, if you choose to vote or choose not to vote, you are still going to have that voice, and we both know that. But guess what, the choice to go voiceless is your own, however, you won't. You won't choose to swallow your opinions, and silence your ideas. We are living in a time that we are absolutely training ourselves and everyone else not to do that. I am excited to be living in that time. With that being said, the standard is that if you don't vote you don't get to have an opinion. But you just WILL.

Please vote.
Just pleeeeease...vote.
Your voice is loud.
Aim it somewhere.

10 Things To Stop Saying To Your Barista

Being in the service industry has its ups and downs. The ups include meeting amazing people that we wouldn't have had an opportunity to meet any other way. The downs, are meeting the not so pleasant people we wouldn't have had to meet any other way.

I have been slingin' coffee in Spokane for the better half of the last 5 years... not only does that include an obscene amount of milk for someone who is lactose intolerant, but it also includes a large amount of conversations, laughter, and conflict.

This post is being written to try and help eliminate that "conflict" section. 

I'm sure you aren't aware that what you are saying is offensive.

Or crazy.

Or frustrating.

Or just... super weird.

But if you avoid these 10 things, you might have better luck with your barista.

1. "You look tired!"

What do you want us to do with that? It's the socially acceptable way of saying "you have most definitely looked better." Well, you look pretty rude but you don't see me saying that...

2. "Do you know how to make a _____?"

Okay, so... if I make coffee, that generally means that I know how to make coffee. So, yes. Yes, I do know what a mocha is. Do you know how to drive that car you are currently driving?

3. "I'll have an iced cappuccino."

No you won't. That's not real.

4. "Oh, she knows my drink."
Alright... alright.... "she" only knows your drink because at one point in time you told her what the damn thing is! Use your words.

5. "...I would text you, but I don't have your number."
If we don't instantly give you our numbers after you make this comment, we don't want to give it to you. And you can say it again if you really want to... but we heard you... it's not happening.

6. "Are you new?"
Nope, you are actually. I work here, and I have seen you... never.

7. "How many shots of expresso are in that?"
.....no shots of "expresso" are in any of our drinks, because that isn't a WORD.

8. "I know you're almost done, but did I say soy?"
Nope................... you didn't.

9. "Are you even old enough to work here?"
Again, you clearly know the answer since I work here, so where is this going?

10. "Surprise me."
The only time this is perfectly acceptable is if you truly have no reserves about a single thing. That almost never happens, however. This usually turns into 'but I don't like coconut, vanilla, irish cream, chocolate, white chocolate, coffee, red bull, juice, oranges, apples, board games..."

Listen, we love you guys.

We can make this work. 

But, this is a two-way street...

        

Calling BS

So, let's address it. Let's talk about Brock Turner.

I have tried pretty hard not to post anything about this in the last few days. Only because it would come out in an immature rage. I would have FOR SURE made fun of the fact that his mom said he could no longer enjoy his snacks. Said something like "so sorry your precious cheese-its don't taste as good, go ahead, don't worry about the girl who is now afraid to sleep at night." For sure I would have said that in my 8,004 days on this earth, it is by far the craziest thing I have ever heard. I also probably would have used words like "piece of shit" or "sad excuse for a human life", so I decided to wait a few days to cool down. To, you know, avoid saying any of those petty things...

I know that you all know the details of this case, so I don't need to go into them.

This post is about this bigger picture.

The blatant ignorance of people.

And how I call BULLSHIT.

When talking to a friend, she said "Why do some people get it and some people just totally don't?" And it's so true. However, I believe it's more... some people get it and some people just totally pretend not to. 

Because we get it. 

We know what YES means. 

We know what NO means.

We know what NOTHING means.

If you asked your mom if you could spend the night at a friends house, and she said yes, lucky you, that meant you could go. And we get that...

If she said no, damn, better luck next time. And we get that...

If she said nothing, had yet to answer, you didn't just go anyway. You had to wait for the very distinct yes. And we get that...

Specifically, Brock Turner claims to have misunderstood the nothing part of this puzzle.

If you applied for a loan to buy a house, and had yet to hear if the bank approved it, do you get to just move in because, well, you want to? 

Oh, that's CLEARLY crazy? Right, and we get that...

However, we don't quuuuuite seem to apply this to our savage-like sexual instincts.

So, spare me with this "we didn't know any better" bullshit.

You do.

You know you can't just take what you want without permission.

You just do know that.

But one way of thinking, benefits you and your pubescent idea of hormones, and the other makes you a monster.

 I can imagine why you chose the first option, but have no fear, we know that option isn't the accurate one.

Either own up to understanding the basic rules of life, or let us all know you are just plain senseless.

I'm Just Wondering...

I've always been told that I ask a lot of questions. About everything. I have done that for as long as I can remember. 

I wonder a lot.

But I mostly wonder why people don't wonder.

I don't know about you, but I want to know all the nitty-gritty things about the people I love. 

Their first crush.

Their happiest memory.

The first kid they ever wanted to punch.

Their favorite beer.

Why their ex was crazy.

What makes them cry.

Their most embarrassing moment.

The first time they puked from drinking.

Why they hate that guy.

You get it.

The reason for this is because, what are we if not our experiences and our thoughts?

Knowing someone means you understand them, and understanding them means you know what instance or what person made them come to the conclusions they have about life.

A best friend knows what triggers you. 

When someone brings up that topic that you know stirs some shit up, your people are they ones who redirect the conversation to spare your feelings, without having to be told to.

Or the boyfriend who plans your perfect day because he's heard about your other favorite days.

I wonder why we aren't wondering more. 

Sometimes it uncomfortable. 

Sometimes is hard to talk about things.

But it's also so beautiful and so wonderful to fully know and fully be known.

And hey you, the one who won't let those who love you understand all the things they love about you... you're missing out on the best things life has to offer. Accept the love.

So, here's to tomorrow, and a life full of wonder!